Bachelor Parties

I went to a bachelor party this weekend and God are they exhausting! The best man rented a big 15 person cabin in the Poconos for a weekend of male bonding debauchery. Bachelor parties are more like "Lets' prove that we are MEN!" parties. Or "let's be neanderthals together!" So we spent a weekend of playing golf, smoking, drinking, shooting guns and eating terrible food around a campfire. And of course we went to a strip club. I am pretty sure that is every event to do to be considered a man. The only thing we didn't do was play football together or go fishing. After it was over, some of the guys were saying their goodbyes and said "ah man...too short, it was too short. I wish we had one more day." And I was thinking, God, I wish we had one less day. Don't get me wrong I had fun, I just can't handle all that for too long. I needed to get back in touch with my feminine side.
Speaking of feminine side- about the strip club... I hate going to strip clubs. I think the only time I went to a strip club under my own free will was the first time I ever went to a strip club. Never had a desire to go back to one after that. Strip clubs suck. Anyway, we went... and I gotta admit, sometimes they can be really funny. I am just thinking in my head, I hope one of these poor girls doesn't slide down that pole upside down and paralyze herself. That would just be tragic. And here I am giving this girl a dollar, and I'm being extra careful so that my bare hand doesn't touch her bare body accidentally, and my friends are putting dollar bills in their mouths so they can have their faces pressed up against their bare bodies. I kept thinking, there is no way I am going to risk my recently awarded clean bill of health by putting any kind of money in my mouth or near any stripper. Wasn't about to put my money where my mouth is...

Wedding Registries

I've got two weddings coming up in the next two weekends, and naturally I haven't thought about gifts for either. I am pretty sure that all of my friends that have ever gotten married only ever wanted money. I could be wrong. But I don't really understand registries. I think people feel obligated to register somewhere. Almost everyone these days registers at Bed Bath and Beyond, and I look at the stuff on their wishlist and think to myself "what the hell are thinking?" To me, when I go to Bed Bath and Beyond it's a chore. It's not because I want the things that are at Bed Bath and Beyond. It's because I need a trashcan or a shower curtain. I see that they're registered for a toaster that's 89 bucks or a couple of wash cloths for 4.99. Then I wonder if they would really be happy if I bought them the toaster. "Aw, Mike got us just the DeLonghi toaster that we wanted! That was great!" I have to think it'd be more like askers remorse. Like why did we want someone to buy us those wash cloths or that piece of junk toaster? We could have just gone and bought them on a whim at TJ Maxx. And is it legit to buy them the 89 dollar toaster and that's it? Because I was probably going to give them 100 bucks but if they reaaaaally want the toaster, that's fine by me. Or do I have to get them the toaster annnnnnd the wash cloths to make up the 100 bucks? Also, is 100 bucks cheap these days? One friend a few years back registered for these random decorative wicker balls. I wanted to buy him those and that would be it. When/if I get married I am going to just say buy me anything from Williams And Sonoma and call it a day.

Suits

Like most men my age, I only own one suit. A black suit, pretty much suitable for every occasion warranting wearing a suit. Suits are remarkable, I have found that I can wear a suit, throw it on the floor when I am finished with it, hang it up, and in 5 months when I need to wear it again, it looks as good as new, completely wrinkle free and pressed. It's always an adventure trying to fit into the suit. It's got that clasp/button combo that I usually can't button and my belt just holds the ensemble together. This time, a different story. Fit into that sucker like it was senior year of high school.
But the funny thing about my suit is that it's like going back in time. I reach into the pockets and it's like three weddings and a few funeral. Funeral card, funeral card, napkin, beer cap beer cap.