Resumes

Is it really necessary to list Microsoft Word as a qualification on your resume anymore? Should I just list West Deptford Middle School under the education header and have the employer assume that I am not an idiot? Come to think of it though ,I don't even think I could list myself as proficient in Word. I think I use Word maybe once a year. In fact, I don't think I even know how to use Word. I don't think I've ever figured out how to make the margins work the way I want them. I don't really know how to insert a picture where I want it, at the size I want it, and have the text work around it the way I want to either. I definitely know I never figured out how to make a list without bullet points, or figured out how to change the list to be numbers instead of letters without it auto-formatting itself back into bullets at indents that I don't like. Create a graph? Forget about it. I think the only thing I DO know how to do in Word is how to make the font change from Times New Roman to Courier New and change the spacing from 2, to 2.25.

New word

So I was watching Jersey Shore this weekend (yes, I admittedly find it exceptionally entertaining)and I came to the conclusion that there needs to be a newly minted word for "snuggle". Girls can use this word at any time with no repercussions. It's cute, it makes them feel all warm and fuzzy... and they aren't embarrassed to admit they like to do it. But guys, can't really say "snuggle" without consequence. They can't tell another guy they just hung out and "snuggled" with a girl. They can't even tell the girl they are with that they enjoy snuggling with them without sounding like a fool. So there needs to be a new word for guys to say in place of snuggle that means snuggle but isn't snuggle. Snoggle. That's my first attempt.

Bastards

Over the last three or four weeks I've encountered some serious bastards in the truest sense of the word. Two to be exact. Actual bastards. I am sure you still aren't understanding. Two actual bastards, like kids born out of wedlock. I was talking to a group of friends and was talking about one of the kids and said, "yeah, he's a bastard." And then there was a long pause. "No, literally, he's a bastard." I guess it's one of those words that isn't good even when it's used correctly. I guess there are a lot of bad words that aren't good even when used correctly, but bastard shouldn't be one of them. It's not the kids fault. It must be weird knowing all your life that you really are a bastard in the truest sense of the word. It's like an original sin that baptism can't wash away.

monkeys?

Orangutan is one of those words that people always just say orang-A-tanG. It just doesn't sound right any other way. Not sure if I ever heard anyone actually say Orangutan. Wouldn't want it any other way.