Resolutions

I have a pretty talented graphic designer at my office, and I recently commissioned her to make me something cool. The last three years I have written a bunch of goals for myself to accomplish over the course of the year. Almost like a new years resolution, but some of them aren't really resolutions, just more like "things to do." I guess things to resolve to do. Okay, I guess they are just plain old resolutions like everyone else has. Anyway, the last three years I have just been writing them on a legal pad and crossing them off as I do them. Some may have been a little over ambitious, but I have been chipping at them. Like the first year I ran two races, and then the next year I thought I could run ten races. Too ambitious. Play golf ten times? Doesn't sound like much, but I really only like to play golf if I am missing work to do it. Ten rounds of golf is like a thousand bucks and ten vacation days. Not going to happen. Natalya, the graphic designer is obsessed with typography just like every other graphic designer, so I gave her the idea to make me something incorporating my goals for the year. I figured if I had something nice to look at it and hung it up in my crib I'd be that much more likely to get crackin' on these goals. I think it'd be awesome if she made me one of these every year for ten years. How cool would that be to see a decades worth of goals you achieved?! Hopefully the picture is big enough so you can see it. click on it and see if it works.

Pro Wrestling

The other night I had a revelation about professional wrestling. Yeah everybody knows it's fake. Well, almost everybody knows it's fake, and everyone at one point or another has watched more than 20 minutes of it at a time. I think 80% of my third grade journals were filled with different pro wrestling scenarios. As you can see by a different Mike Izzo's Youtube videos, Wrestling and Mike Izzos were very fond of one another in third grade. I should just stop there because that video is pure gold.
Anyway, I thought it be really ridiculous if you really got into a fight out on the streets and tried to attempt anything that real WWF wrestlers actually did. Imagine some guy wants to start some shiz with your girlfriend...and you are all grabbing him by his arm and swinging him around the bar... and you climb up onto the bar, wait til he comes close, then lift up his weary body onto the bar, twirl him around over your head and then do some kind of thing where he flies up in the air vertically and you both land on your back. Maybe you run back and forth between the bar and the wall to build up some power and then clothesline him. Do you think this could actually happen? Wrestling is more for dudes who want to beat someone's ass but don't really care if they win or lose the fight as long as they can get the dudes head between their legs somehow and slam them into the ground doing a suplex. Or is that a pile driver? I have no clue. DDT?

It ain't really Rocket Science

Do you remember hearing about the story of the two astronauts who were married and then the dude started having an affair with some other astronaut woman? It was a few years ago. And then the lady who was married to the dude went crazy and decided to kill the dude's mistress? But the twist in the story was that she drove from Texas to Florida non-stop to do it. IN A DIAPER!
So my question is, Do you think she ever had second thoughts about driving non-stop to KILL her husband's mistress? Or do you think she ever had second thoughts about wearing the diaper? I am guessing the killing part never crossed her mind, but I am sure she had some second thoughts when she was about to take a dump in her pants. "Oh no... oh no.... oh God. I can't believe I am actually doing this...I can't pull over now... but I do have my pull ups on. Maybe I didn't need to plan this right down to the diaper. Coulda stopped at the rest stop and not really lost that much time. Oh well, something to consider for next time."

Professional Athletes

Baseball season is right around the corner, and that's gotta be my favorite time of year. I am so anxious for the start of the season that I watched the Phillies 19 inning game where Wilson Valdez was the winning pitcher. (I watched from the 16th inning on, I'm not that pathetic.)
It got me thinking about professional athletes. With 162 games in a season I wonder how they keep everything straight. Does Ryan Howard go to Phillies.com to see what time his game is on Saturday? Or is it like little league where the coach passes out a photocopy with the schedule on it at the beginning of the year? It's like, "Players, please have your overnight bags and all your equipment on the bus THE NIGHT BEFORE the game so the equipment manager can load it. If your bag is not there by 8pm, you will NOT be able to play in Milwaukee! Your gloves and bats will be left behind! Game time is at 7:05 sharp! Be at Miller Park by 5:30 for batting practice. Lights out at one hour past game time! No exceptions! And positively no xbox!"

languages

Connolly is Irish for Cannoli.

American Idol

It's funny to think that at one point in our lives, we've all watched American Idol with at least one significant other. You can deny it all you want, but you watched at least 3 episodes in a row too.