Karate

I never really had any interest in karate in my entire life except maybe for the ten minutes after I saw Karate Kid part one when I was six.  I recall "karatying" a tree in my front yard pretending to be Ralph Macchio in training.  But other than those ten minutes, and every time I put on a bathrobe, I never give much thought to karate.  But the other day walking home from work I saw a mother and a few kids getting picked up from karate practice. A few of the kids (the couldn't have been more than seven years old) had black belts.  I couldn't help but think how they could have black belts. If I owned a karate shop, I'd just give out black belts to everyone.  I mean why not.  It obviously doesn't mean anything.  If a seven year old can achieve the highest award in your sport there's something wrong with that.  I am pretty sure I could beat that kid's ass if he wanted to fight me. I wouldn't feel good about beating up a seven year old but if he attacked me first... you know...just sayin.  Pretty sure I would win the fight with no prior training.  I'd be all like Howard Dean! hiiiyaaaahhhh!!!

Karate

There is a new karate place opening up down the street from my house. I noticed the other night that the perennially failing location was all lit up and noticed that a karate school was taking its place. I think it might actually work in that location. And by might actually work, I really mean last maybe a year. I feel like karate schools only really last a year or so anyway so that would be an eternity. But it has the right ingredients, my town is walkable for most little kids, and there are lots of little kids looking to expend some energy. The only ingredient it doesn't have that I think is necessary for karate places, is an Asian sounding name. It can't be Collingswood Karate or John Kelly's Karate. It's gotta be something like Yi's or Lee's. Also what's up with karate schools' obsession with trophies? No other business has so many trophies in the windows besides trophy stores.

But I think the real reason why karate schools are unsuccessful is you never see anyone beat anyone elses ass using karate. When I was in grade school I knew a few kids who took karate classes, but they would always say that if their sensei found out they used karate to beat someone up that they would be kicked out of the school. So what's the point of learning a skill that you will never be able to use? I guess a career in MMA is plausible but highly unlikely. What's Ralph Macchio up to these days?