Thursday, May 27, 2010

Guys on the phone with girls

I've come to the realization that every guy I know talks on the phone differently when they are talking to a woman around another guy. It doesn't matter if that woman is their girlfriend, wife, fiance, or even just a friend. The only exception is when they are talking to their mother or sister. They immediately have a softer, slower tone. Sometimes speaking so low that woman on the line makes them repeat themselves until they have to leave the presence of their other male friend. And they try as quickly as they can to end the conversation, "hey, yeah, meet you at 6? okay.just finishing up? good day? ok.yup.alright.see you at six..ok, bye"

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

The Gym

A few months ago I wrote about how funny the gym can be; the noises, the grunting, the ugly people that have good bodies, the muscleheads checking themselves out all the time and are still ugly, all that good stuff. I can honestly say that I have been going pretty regularly despite all the things that would make me not want to go; the getting up early, or going when its beautiful outside and my gym is in a basement and there are no good looking girls there to encourage me to do one more set as to not be totally embarrassed. Anyway, my gym kinda sucks but it's nice that there is never anyone there in the morning. It really sucks because there is only one shower there that works. Of the four showers, one gets water pressure and hot water, one gets no hot water, one doesn't have a shower head, and one has a broken shower head that shoots water out like a laser beam. I think it could actually break your skin. And it's hit or miss every day if any of the stalls have a soap dispenser that actually has soap in it. Today, I go, finish my workout, and notice there are no towels where the towels usually are. The twenty year old girl that usually works behind the desk (I say work, but really she's just watching tv shows on her computer)isn't there to get me a towel. I figure she's getting them from the dryer. Nope. She comes back and tells me their washer/dryer is broken, so no towels. Nice of her to tell me that before I started. Then she says "wait, I might have some in here," and reaches into the cabinet under the desk and pulls out a rumpled up towel. I say, "but is it clean?" Her reply,"weeeeeelllll, it's not like it's dirrrrrty" as she holds it up and sees that it is in fact disgustingly dirty. "We use this to wipe down the desk..." WTF... no f-in way! Couldn't believe that. Just what I want to do. Dry off with a towel you use to wipe off the front desk. So I said no thanks and dryed off with my sweaty t-shirt. It was funny though when I walked out of the shower with some random dude in the locker room with just a t-shirt covering my junk.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010


You hear people say "don't assume, because when you assume you make an ass out of u-and-me." Not really true. Why do I get lumped in on being an ass? When you assume, you really just make an ass out of yourself... not so much me. You were the one doing the assuming. I couldn't find a good picture for this particular post, but when I google image searched for the saying, at about page four I got to a picture of the former Chad Johnson. I don't really have an opinion about the guy, but anybody who legally changes their name to their jersey number is an ass in my book. But when it's not even written correctly in the language in which he wants it to be, it's especially bad. I'm no grammarian but I guess this would be a good example of him assuming that eighty-five in spanish is just the number ocho and cinco he makes an ass out of just himself.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Nines and sixes

I was golfing today and came to the conclusion that I don't know the difference between a six and a nine when viewed right side up or upside down. That doesn't make much sense, I know. Let me clarify; Like when the power ball numbers fall out of their little scrambler bubbler on tv, and the host calls out the numbers, 7, 9, 4, 22,6, et cetera, If I were the host, wouldn't know if the number was a six or a nine even if it had the little line there to help me. I looked in my golf bag and my clubs have the line to help distinguish whether the club is a nine iron or the six iron but honestly, I had to look at the loft to figure it out. If the clubs were exactly the same and one was a nine and one was a six each with the line to help me, I couldn't tell you if the line is on the top for the six or the top for the nine or the bottom of the nine and the bottom of the six. I still don't know the difference.

Thursday, May 13, 2010


I don't really care about the weather that much but I don't know what a barometer actually does. I don't think many people do. Yeah, measures barometric pressure, whatever. That means nothing to me. High pressure system coming in.. means nothing to me. low pressure, means nothing. barometer is rising, falling.. whatever. I just wonder why weathermen even bother to report that as news. People don't really care whether the barometer is doing anything. Nobody goes around asking me, "hey what's the barometer going to do tomorrow?" or "damn, the barometer was really moving yesterday huh? that's the highest I've seen the barometer go in years." Maybe I'd understand it more if I had one of those decorative barometer things sitting on my desk and I could watch it all the time.

Spin the bottle

I don't think I know anyone who has ever actually played spin the bottle. I think it's only in movies and tv shows, but it doesn't look like that great of a game. Obviously that largely depends on the quality of the participants, but even if the participants were good, I am pretty sure it would still be awkward. I walked around the office today and asked some of the girls if they were going to make it to the spin the bottle game I was organizing after work. They just acted more confused than anything; like they never even heard of the game. I got a couple looks of disgust too. Not so much about the idea of the game but more of the thought of playing it with me I think.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Jesus H. Christ

You here people say that sometimes... "Jesus H Christ!" I wonder what Jesus's middle name was. Herb? Howard? Horatio?