monkeys?

Orangutan is one of those words that people always just say orang-A-tanG. It just doesn't sound right any other way. Not sure if I ever heard anyone actually say Orangutan. Wouldn't want it any other way.

Tinted Windows

I like when people pull up next to me in their cars, shitty or expensive, that have tinted windows. People feel so cool in cars with tinted windows. Really they are just a bunch of losers that are ugly or just have staring problems. So what I like to do is just stare real hard at them and not take my eyes off them. Make pretend I see them. Make them squirm a little. Make them second guess their tint. Make them feel a little awkward. Try it. It feels really good.

Tennis balls

I played tennis last week for the first time in probably six or seven years. It felt good to know that I hadn't lost my touch in that span. I still wasn't good. But I wasn't as bad as I could have been. I got inspired to get myself a new racket this weekend. I didn't break the bank, but I had never actually owned my own racket so I bought a middle of the road racket (see picture). Not going to lie, I just bought the coolest looking one since I don't know a damn thing about tennis and probably will only use it a dozen more times. I bought some new balls too since they were only a few bucks. I forgot how much I loved to open a tube of new tennis balls. That nice rubbery smell that can only be matched by the opening a new canister of film. (another smell I haven't experienced in quite some time) But why do tennis balls have to be in a canister like that? With that freshness so locked in? That unmistakable pssst. Cans of anchovies aren't even that locked in. Why do tennis balls gotta be so fresh?

toothpaste

I'm pretty fascinated by marketing and ways brands trick consumers into buying their products. I remember learning in my Psych 101 class about how Listerine was the first company to use the "fear and consume" tactic to sell their product. They kind of made up gingivitis to a certain extent, and said that Listerine would protect against bad breath and the harmful effects of gingivitis. Naturally, you didn't want to get a nasty condition like gingivitis so you bought their product. But I think companies are just getting lazier or people are just getting stupider. I firmly believe that people will buy anything. Most toothpastes say "whitening" now. Isn't that a given? Isn't the whole point of brushing ones teeth to get whiter teeth? They don't sell teeth darkeners. No mocha coloring. I think some even say "freshens breath". DUH. I guess I shouldn't be so cynical. Maybe more labels should tell exactly what their products do. Chips for example should be labeled, "Now makes you fatter than ever! creates short term happiness! Fifteen minutes after consumption creates feelings of guilt. Three weeks later adds 6oz to your overall weight!"

T9 word and Quik text

It took me a while to get used to using T9 word on my cell phone. If you don't know what T9 word is, it's the predictive text messaging option on most phones. Once you figure out how it works, and how to cycle through the word choices, it's pretty amazing. One thing I have never used is the quick text option. I can't say I am one to abbreviate my text messages; for example I'm never writing "where R U" or "where r u goin 2nite" etc. I just find it faster to write the whole thing out. But the quick text thing boggles my mind. It's the pre-made text messages. I finally looked at what the options were on my phone the other day and I can't imagine a situation where I would even say half the options. "You're the best" I think if I wanted to say that, I wouldn't cycle through the options to find that and I wouldn't even think that would be something someone would say that often. And if they did say that often, I think it would lose some of its power. Other options include: "You've gotta be here to enjoy this" I would think "You had to be there" would be more useful or common. "Let's meet", "Check this out", "a baby!!!","would you like to join me for a date?",and "yes." Now, "a baby!!"? is that something that needs to be a quick text? And what exec heard the ideas for the quick text options and thought A baby!! would be acceptable? Imagine that conference room. "so uh, what do you have for the quick text options to be included on all the new phones this season?" "well, thought of some really great ones. We got, "A baby!!" and "Would you like to join me for a date" and "yes."" "Boy, you guys have really outdone yourself this time. this is great! Your market analysis has really hit the mark, everyone loves saying "yes" in text messages and "a baby" and "would you like to join me for a date" really pulls at the heartstrings... and also very common." I think "I'm drunk" and "come over" would be more widely used. Plus those are often misspelled when used in conjunction with each other. That's just my personal opinion.

it is what it is.

The adage I hate the most is "it is what it is." To me, it's something someone says when they have given up on making it better. I think to discredit it forever, someone should just say "it's what it's" just to show how ridiculous it is. I think I just realized you can't use the contraction "it's" every time it could be used for it is. Because that wouldn't have made any sense either; 'just to show how ridiculous it's"?

You Call Its

I've noticed at bars lately they have these specials called "U call its". I don't think I've ever heard of anyone at a bar actually utilizing those specials though. I understand that the concept is that you can make any kind of drink you want (just not using top shelf stuff) for three bucks. Then they say something like 3 dollars for all well drinks. "Well" being some bar slang for lesser booze. I don't even know what well drinks are. Not top shelf. But all the stuff anyone wants to drink is usually not considered a bottom of the barrel drink. No one asks for that booze by name just because there are probably so many crappy brands that no one has even heard of that stuff. It always seems like there are lot of restrictions on the U call its too. I either want the entire bar, or just give me any old thing. For three bucks. Then I'll say what beers do you have... and they'll list all these beers, and I'll pick one for 6 bucks. Why can't I call that one? "that's the one we call six bucks"