Thursday, April 28, 2011
Can it be true that all those email forwards you never forwarded could actually turn out to be real? Like if you followed the directions and forwarded that email to ten more people, your crush would realize at midnight that they actually have a crush on you? Maybe I did that once when I was 15. (I don't think she ever realized she liked me, or if she did, she never let me know) Luckily I don't get many emails like that anymore. Maybe I get one or two a year from my mom, but they are usually religious ones that I feel bad about not forwarding, but wind up not forwarding them anyway. But all those emails that said "if you don't forward this to ten people in the next ten minutes you will have bad luck for ten years with relationships" are probably real. My luck has been terrible lately. No prospects either. Should have just forwarded those emails... I'd have been a pimp by now writing books. "Mike, how do you do it? how do you have so much game?" "Well,I'm really kinda embarrassed to admit it, but it's really quite simple. I've been forwarding the shit out of those emails. Been getting a bunch of phone calls around midnight for the last few years. It's really incredible." Help a brotha out.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Only once a year (contrary to popular belief) I elect to make myself look like more of an idiot than I usually do. I shave my beard and go to work with a distinguished mustache. Strangely enough I have the power to make other people look like an idiot with me. It was especially weird going to my gym with the stache. I think the looks I was getting were, "oh my God.... that was so 80s."
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
It amazes me that we as a society have made a device that cooks something to perfection at the push of a button. The microwave oven is pre-programmed to cook popcorn at precisely the right amount of time to pop pretty much every kernel of popcorn in a predetermined sized bag. There is even a button for hotdogs. I am pretty eager to try that. I wonder if our ancestors would be proud or pissed if they knew we developed this technology. "Are you F-ing serious?! You have developed a device to make something so hot so fast!? You bastards! You should be cooking everything! Never eat a raw thing again!" Followed with, "Why is it still cold in the middle?"
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
You know that evangelist that is predicting the end of the world on May 21st? He's got all these like minded crazy people believing in him. I am just wondering what he does on that day. Is he just holed up somewhere anxiously hoping/waiting for something to happen? Is he sitting in a circle with other crazy people holding hands and sweating it out? Does he sleep the night before? And what happens the day after when nothing happens? Are his followers all like, "WTF man?! Dude, you told us the world was supposed to end?! WTF was that dude? You totally lied to us man! You probably don't even have any super powers. F-ing bullshit." I'm assuming to which his reply would be "I told you I'm sorry man. I guess my math was wrong. I must not have carried the one. What do you want me to do? I never said I was God. Jeez... Honestly I was just tryin' to get a million Facebook friends. Give me a freaking break! Look, didn't you get on TMZ like you wanted? So shut up! Seriously... you're being annoying."
A few of my bad friends have been asking me about how the art show went. I only say bad friends because they didn't go. It went well. I mean there was that first 20 minutes when no one came through the door except my mom and my sister that I panicked, but that's like every party I've ever thrown. It was a pretty cool experience for me though, being my first solo show and all. After struggling mounting my frames on the brick wall by myself utilizing the few nails that were already in the walls, I managed. But I had a pretty good turnout of friends, friends of friends, and complete strangers. Unfortunately I didn't really take any pictures but here are some other people took (actually just one). I even made some money, so that's good.
Friday, April 1, 2011
My good friends know that I temporarily rejoined Facebook about a week ago, and my Facebook friends probably haven't even realized it yet. I was proud of myself, I probably got all of my stalking done within the first five minutes. I still don't know what's more bothersome; Seeing an ex girlfriend with a good looking guy, or an ugly guy. An ex with a good looking guy makes me think I wasn't good looking enough. But seeing an ex with an ugly guy makes you think the girl has no standards and will just date any old guy that gives her attention, whether he's ugly or not. Makes you think that maybe you fit into that category. The ugly category. Or it makes me think, "jeez, I must have been really terrible if she would rather be with that ugly guy than me." or "maybe I was a real ass that she would rather be with this guy who is probably nicer and smarter and makes more money than me." At least with a good looking guy you can just say "eh, she's so superficial just going out with a good looking guy..I am probably nicer and smarter than him." Thoughts?