Thursday, November 4, 2010

Shoe Policy

Shoes are a tough thing for straight guys to buy these days. Maybe I'm shopping at the wrong places, but shoes are almost as hard to buy as jeans. I've needed a new pair of shoes for work for months but haven't found anything I've liked. Some are too square others too rounded, or they're so flat that it looks like you are a hobbit. Your choices are Eurotrash dbag, ultra-conservative 60 year old banker, or high school hipster. I just wanted some regular style boots for the winter. Finally, I went to DSW where they have hundreds of bad shoes to choose from, I was bound to find one pair that was acceptable. Found it.
Now I understand the no return policy. If you wear them, you can't return them. I get it. But they need to make one exception for returns. If you wear them, walk around in them for a day, and then realize that when you walk they make fart noises. It's especially noticeable in the office. And it's not an acceptable squeak either. It sounds pretty much like farts. To me, that is a defect in the shoe and can be proven to the store clerk for a refund. It'd be a good idea not to mention to the clerk that it squeaks even more if you happen to be laughing.


  1. Why didn't you walk around them in your house first? Does that violate DSW's return policy?

    Get a pair of Desert Treks from Clarks. Somewhat pricey at $100, but very comfortable and long lasting.

  2. They weren't squeaking when I walked around in the store... They only started squeaking at the office. I saw the desert Treks... They are nice but a little to wimpy for winter.

  3. my coworker has fart shoes. i can hear him coming from the other side of the office. apparently it doesn't bother him since he has worn them every day since i started three years ago.

    at this point you either chalk up your losses and buy a new pair, or forever be known as fart boy.

  4. I think the farting has subsided. Maybe it was a breaking in thing. Actually it might have to do with the new carpet at work. All better.